i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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