what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
