??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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