he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
