im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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