In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
