I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she smelled like a LAN party
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
