Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
