I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
