Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
