She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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