I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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