You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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