she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
