My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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