paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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