her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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