I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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