this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize