I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
