I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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