Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
