you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
