i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
