Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
