Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
