I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
