in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
