i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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