***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
