I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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