Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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