So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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