just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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