what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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