Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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