Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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