i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And then he peed in my hair
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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