I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
