I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
