At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize