I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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