Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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