I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
