Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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