I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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