are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
