I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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