She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
