You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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