A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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