the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
