batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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