her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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