just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I faked an abortion last night.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
