I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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