My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
