i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
