Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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