READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
