Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
