He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
