Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize