and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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