Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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