can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
