after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
