Cold hands, warm shart.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
