3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
