ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
