Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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