im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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